mummy, what should I do now?

Working from home was not new to me but it made a huge difference having kids staying at home, at the same time. Not to mention that there's no extended help available given the strict circuit breaker rules.

Outcome? I'm working 2 FTE (full time equivalent) in a single day. One as a busy worker, another as a lousy mother.

Meaning? Slogging non-stop and yet nothing was accomplished.

What's worse? The ones whom you loved the most and the ones who needed you the most are often put on the least priority... Saded!

I felt really lousy as a working from home mother during this circuit breaker. This awful feeling was so strong and amplified as each day passed in a whoosh. 

Dear and the kids had been very supportive and understanding. They were my source of energy to keep myself in the stupiak rat race. 

The answer would be obvious if I asked this... "What will happen when I become unwell?"

The workplace will replace me fairly quickly. Even if it's not immediately or smooth transition, the work and the world wouldn't stop because of me.

The only people who would worry, cry or even struggle with me are none other than my family. What ever happened, the only relationship that wouldn't change is our family! We meant the world to one another.

However, looking at how much time a day we spent on work and how much time we were left with my lovely kids. Isn't it ironic?

Slowly, I adjusted to a daily routine. (With dear setting v good examples and with quite a lot of nudges). Yes we had conference calls, meetings after meetings... Lots of submissions... Backlog pilings... However, the time when the family comes together are none other than the meal time.

So, I adopted "time out lunch" and "time out dinner". I would try my best to put my phone away... So that we sit together, eat and chat over the meals.

It's just a meal but that's the only time we focused on one another. Thanking one another for putting the meals on the table. Kids would setup the table... W would bring the water bottles for his sisters.... R would try to finish her food (always last, as usual), P would announce that she had a good meal, Dear would do the dishes... I would just concentrate on feeding myself...

Last Sunday, just before the week of school holiday began, I sat down with the kids to do up a time-table...

After this week, I planned to do retrospectives with them to see if there's adjustment needed... (Though I already observed some in the pipeline)

I was disappointed with myself as a mother while working from home during this circuit breaker period. Because neither do I have time to guide them on Home based learning (HBL) nor cook proper healthy meals for the family. On the other hand, I was grateful with this rare opportunity to bond with my loved ones for such a long time, accomplishing one step at a time, together.

We fought more but we grew closer. We set expectations and we experiments. Given that dear had been busy at his work, it's a privilege to be able to work along side with him. We do not have too much time for each other but at the minimal, we eat together for all three meals every day. Isn't it awesome?

I didn't cook everyday but I tried to prepare some meals at times so that dear didn't have to step out of the house...

Cookies, coin prata，wago meesua, legendary cabbage Mee sua egg pancake, legendary Wendy's pandam chiffon, muaji, pancake, burgers (no pic), pear soup... 

I learnt to trim hair (monkey see monkey do) and they showed me a lot of trust and love to be my 'hair models". 

Felt so much better after ranting my aimless thoughts in my online "public" diary... In this busy pace of rat race... One must set aside time to introspect. Caring for our own Mental health...