笨手笨脚篇

先是手见血

后是脚见血

when I forgot to bring my phone

Sorry that I'm messed up.

And when I messed up, it affected the precious weekend family dinner.

=_=

Our Daily Hug

No matter how busy, tired, depressed...

Don't forget the bedtime hug and morning hug with our little ones 👍🏻🥰

only myself to blame

When I feel like shit... I have only myself to blame...

So I felt like shit this entire week...

And no matter what others do, I just couldn't rreciprocate...

I'm sorry but pls give me time to just be myself... It's okay to be not okay... Isn't it?

东西在眼前消失

前几天，在某个平台上看到一则勉励的金玉良言。

这句话说道：“希望你的每一次珍惜都不需要靠失去来懂得。”

我读了就觉得心头涌上了莫名的感伤。

今天，我兴奋地扫购著名叉烧包时，左边的耳机突然从耳窝滑落。我看着它慢慢地滚到包里，就想先把手中的物品收好再找一找。

谁知怎么找都找不着。肯定的是耳机已经不翼而飞。我回到原来的地方搜索了一轮，还是没寻获。

非常纳闷。。。还好我一直都听珍惜着耳机，是不是就充电。

byebye咯，我的左耳机。现在只能和右耳相依为命了。

写到这里才发现为什么耳机会掉。。。原来我戴错边了。。。现在只能和左耳机相依为命了。😭😭

byebye咯，我的右耳机。

today's classic from grab driver

人家气我，我不气。

若我生气，中他计。

去到外面，放个屁。

什么衰事，都忘记！

missing dear

Despite sitting by his side for two days, it was still depressing to arrive a quiet home and hitting the cold bed at late hours.

Hoping for the best. Get well soon. Missing dear dearly. And so are the kids 🥰😭

mummy, what should I do now?

Working from home was not new to me but it made a huge difference having kids staying at home, at the same time. Not to mention that there's no extended help available given the strict circuit breaker rules.

Outcome? I'm working 2 FTE (full time equivalent) in a single day. One as a busy worker, another as a lousy mother.

Meaning? Slogging non-stop and yet nothing was accomplished.

What's worse? The ones whom you loved the most and the ones who needed you the most are often put on the least priority... Saded!

I felt really lousy as a working from home mother during this circuit breaker. This awful feeling was so strong and amplified as each day passed in a whoosh. 

Dear and the kids had been very supportive and understanding. They were my source of energy to keep myself in the stupiak rat race. 

The answer would be obvious if I asked this... "What will happen when I become unwell?"

The workplace will replace me fairly quickly. Even if it's not immediately or smooth transition, the work and the world wouldn't stop because of me.

The only people who would worry, cry or even struggle with me are none other than my family. What ever happened, the only relationship that wouldn't change is our family! We meant the world to one another.

However, looking at how much time a day we spent on work and how much time we were left with my lovely kids. Isn't it ironic?

Slowly, I adjusted to a daily routine. (With dear setting v good examples and with quite a lot of nudges). Yes we had conference calls, meetings after meetings... Lots of submissions... Backlog pilings... However, the time when the family comes together are none other than the meal time.

So, I adopted "time out lunch" and "time out dinner". I would try my best to put my phone away... So that we sit together, eat and chat over the meals.

It's just a meal but that's the only time we focused on one another. Thanking one another for putting the meals on the table. Kids would setup the table... W would bring the water bottles for his sisters.... R would try to finish her food (always last, as usual), P would announce that she had a good meal, Dear would do the dishes... I would just concentrate on feeding myself...

Last Sunday, just before the week of school holiday began, I sat down with the kids to do up a time-table...

After this week, I planned to do retrospectives with them to see if there's adjustment needed... (Though I already observed some in the pipeline)

I was disappointed with myself as a mother while working from home during this circuit breaker period. Because neither do I have time to guide them on Home based learning (HBL) nor cook proper healthy meals for the family. On the other hand, I was grateful with this rare opportunity to bond with my loved ones for such a long time, accomplishing one step at a time, together.

We fought more but we grew closer. We set expectations and we experiments. Given that dear had been busy at his work, it's a privilege to be able to work along side with him. We do not have too much time for each other but at the minimal, we eat together for all three meals every day. Isn't it awesome?

I didn't cook everyday but I tried to prepare some meals at times so that dear didn't have to step out of the house...

Cookies, coin prata，wago meesua, legendary cabbage Mee sua egg pancake, legendary Wendy's pandam chiffon, muaji, pancake, burgers (no pic), pear soup... 

I learnt to trim hair (monkey see monkey do) and they showed me a lot of trust and love to be my 'hair models". 

Felt so much better after ranting my aimless thoughts in my online "public" diary... In this busy pace of rat race... One must set aside time to introspect. Caring for our own Mental health...

bad mama...

I was home for three days... But I hadn't been able to prepare proper dinner for my children.

Not only that... When both parents got carried away with endless work, the poor children had to nudge for a zillion times that they were famished...

Off we headed for dinner at around 7pm when the irresponsible adults finally woke up our idea to be there for our loved ones.

Sorry babies. I'll set a loud alarm and auto shutdown internet connection to hard stop when I work from home again. 

When we broke up...

When my first love broken up with me today, a little suddenly, even though I've seen it coming... I didn't realize I hadn't been smiling a lot... Until my best friend asked me with great concern. "Are you okay? You look very sad..." Followed by a hug that totally melted me.

I sobbed... Alone... Not exactly sad, just felt touched and blessed that I had gained so much in life...

To my best friends... Thank you for being by my side when I needed you the most!

It's a feeling of loss. Yet, I'm also excited and looking forward to meet my next better suiter... MGBMPP

触景伤情

星期五，晚上。。。

我目睹两个我深爱的人，无心伤害。。。

勾起了我的童年阴影。。。

我真的很难过；哭着入眠。

心想：为什么我没办法避免这场无心之过？

很沮丧，很窝囊。。。

只能尽力在事后做出最微量的弥补。。。

至少我的童年那场可怕的经历；没有得到任何人的安慰。。。

琦，妈妈对不起你。不该让你受到这样的惊吓。希望你的小小心灵能感受得到妈妈满满的爱。不要像我一样留下不必要的阴影和永不磨灭的伤痕。。。

有些事，不是不提就等于忘记了。。。

有些人，不是原谅了就会放下的。。。

宝贝，你这些天的心情，妈妈最清楚。是难过的。。。 是被否定的。。。 是被伤害的。所以那晚妈妈抱着你对你说的话，希望你能明白。

爱你。。。满满。满满！你要勇敢。

Feeling exhausted but happy somehow

I must admit that I was totally exhausted yesterday.

The main reason why I was feeling so drained was due to some negative energies from my peers.

Nevertheless, I was happy because I got to send off my kids in the morning, watch them take their dinner and hear their voices (cries) in the night...

I was happy because I could iron school uniforms for all of them... I could pack bags for them... I could plan for what's for breakfast and dinner for the next day.

I was happy because my dear returned from work, ate dinner and helped me out with the chores everyday.

So I decided that I should recharge and repay for all the good stuff by staying positive. Cheers.

Thank you for being there for me... Life is about balancing... The inner soul...

视线不再一样了

自从网上流传了越来越多的屠杀工厂取肉过程的冷血残忍片段后，真相大白。

长久以来，人们把自己的快乐建筑在其他动物的痛苦上，终于浮上水面。

其实不难想象，就是大家都不愿意失去这般享受所以选择了逃避，自欺欺人。

酒肉穿肠过；为了那三寸之舌而种下不可饶恕的罪孽，罪过罪过。

放上网的都是现实，你不愿意相信但那的的确确就是真相。可怕的是，那只是开始。。。家畜一生的痛苦。

有了小孩后；人好像又坚强但同时又脆弱了。看了许多的食物处理厂的影片；我不是变态爱看残忍的东西；但是那种根深地固的思想真的不容易一下子改变。

第一次看，吓哭了。看了5分钟；先是讨厌那些“奸商”那么不仁道。

看第二次，还是哭了。看了5分钟；在想怎么那么多奸商？很恨。

再看，一直看；开始觉得不是奸商的问题；而所有人都是共犯！我没资格哭了！

接下来不多看了；不是逃避而是需要时间调解思绪。

不用一辈子来反省；要善待自己就是要及时知错；立马改过！看过了N次的相关视频与信息之后；我终于做了决定要改吃素。这不是容易做到的；所以我会尽量。为并肩求存的动物们的幸福与自由；我不能无动于衷。许多历史的大改革都是要改变想法踏出第一步。人类们得好好加油！

之所以说我的视线不再一样；那是无意间发现的。有人在网上分享了糯米鸡等佳肴的制作片段；当厨师用剪刀将烹调好的美味鸡剪开时；我看了不但没有垂涎三尺；反倒是看见了人类残酷地剪开一具尸体。恶心！在网上看见狗主人分享他们的爱狗有多可爱时；我看见了狗狗的眼神很可怜。我“看见”的不只是可爱的小狗；我还看见了她背后；为了配种而失去自由和孩子的母狗。残忍！

说真的，这些真的能原谅吗？或者说；只要做得再仁道一些；就没事了吗？祝大家好运。。。

尽人事，听天命！

随缘，顺其自然。

缘尽命我出走，必有成长机缘。

自然命我放下，必要扛起新任。

是福不是祸；是祸躲不过。。。

尽人事；听天命。一切都将是最好的安排。

Akan Datang

It's part and parcel of life when it comes to work... And work security...

This lazy afternoon on my weekly off day, I couldn't fall asleep despite the fact that  I was seriously lack of sleep.... Instead, I was browsing on the web...

I.... have to embrace changes... It's the matter of time. Just didn't want to have too much impact to my family. 

I believe that the path had been set ahead of me. Everything happens for a reason, and it will be the best reason... hoping that when the time finally comes, I'm all ready to embrace what it takes...

Pray hard for the best!

Vegan, one day

It's been bothering me for a while since the flux of animal cruelty truth at many farms / food factories were revealed and blown on social media.

I wouldn't think that human beings were unique or more superior than other spieces. In fact, if human beings really were unique, the only reason would not be love but our cruelty.

Many animals know love much better than us. Emotions, they have it no less than we do. 

I had been asking myself if there's anything I could do to make this world a better place. 

No babies or kids die of hunger...

No crimes or fear...

The new world filled with love and blissful happiness...

A safe place for our next and many generations to come...

The only answer I got was to just start from myself. 

A thousand miles start with a single step. It's easy to be nothing and in fact, everyone is nothing... Nevertheless, as long as we live, we should do something about it. Everyone makes a difference and it always starts with me. The me that lies in everyone will someday be awaken to do the same right thing, making this a fair, equality, safe and beautiful new world.

I knew friends who were vegan. I hadn't thought of becoming one until recently, the voice within me started to get louder. I wasn't sure how or where to get started. Perhaps I would cut down the meat intake by phases (or by spieces)... 

I need to be brave to embrace this journey. If you are not with me, I don't need to hear your second words...

May god bless us...

18 Punk

我只能说。。。路遥知马力，日久见人心。

功夫好的一早就看穿了。只有我这种头脑简单的乐天派才会到一直不断给机会，结果一直失望；最终连绝望都丧失资格了。

共处那么久，我们扪心自问，真的没有亏待过她。

要Milo有Milo，要chillipadi有chillipadi。

有私人厕所，三餐温饱，天天热水泡澡。

每逢过年过节都有红包收。

要斋戒我们也成全了。

有Mdm成天被她叫去买chilli padi和koropok。

还有Sir每逢周末都买了她指定的美食。

换来的是她一再的得寸进尺，道高一尺 魔高一丈。

鬼鬼祟祟地藏了第二台手机。

每天睡到比我们都晚才醒来。

懒得去到哪里，就睡到哪里。

太多了，我都不想再念了。

总而言之，朽木不可雕。要是有便宜的机票就买最早的那班送她一程！

Myth Buster

I almost forgot about the first myth she shared with us until I heard her second incredible myth just yesterday...

Maybe she meant to be good but really, no thank you!

Years ago when dear or I suffered from some outbreak on the face, she kindly shared with us that in her kampung, people put mucus from nose to sooth the pimple.

"What? You are joking, right?

You just want to watch Sir walking ard with snot all over his face, right?"

"No, really! It will heal just the next day!"

No thanks, we didn't try. Zero intention to buy that...

Phoebe had an eye infection underneath her right upper eyelid, which caused her right eye to swell and puff.

"In our Kampung, we will wash the swollen eye with pee."

"Huh? No...."

The following day, she urged, "it's getting worse now, want to wash with pee?"

"No, pls don't try... And pls don't even ask again! I'm bringing her to the doctor for eye lotion."

I hope I don't get to hear anymore unbelieveable myths from her kampung again... 

Also, I hope she wasn't in the toilet for so long because she's trying to pee and wash her eyes or doing snot mask on her face? Pls don't... I have weak heart....

I didn't proof the myth right or wrong... I just felt that we need to have our own instinct and common sense to protect our love ones from baseless myths...

I am ungrateful...

Reading this, I am a very ungrateful person... Shame shame!

So I must rethink and reorganize my thoughts...

A more grateful thought would then be... 

I wanted to thank her for sleeping till past 8am every morning, waking up later than everyone most of the time... Complaining about nothing to do and yet couldn't finish some of the work saying that there's no time...

I wanted to thank her for utilizing my kitchen/ common toilet to the max, it's probably the most utilized and lived in space of the entire house since her arrival near 3 years ago. The toilet would be grateful to her, too.

I wanted to thank her for leaving the laundry dirt in the washing machine filter net whenever I spot checked so that I knew the machine machine did all the washing work... And how much washing it processed in between my checks, based on how thick the dirt accumulated.

I wanted to thank her for using our robot vacuum twice to thrice times a week such that it was utilized since its purchase 6 months ago. It would be even better if she would remember to clean the cartridge after each use, instead of being left in the robot over the weekend to feed mites or silverfishes...

I wanted to thank her for going through our newspapers and magazines every time she took them out from the store, whien she really was trying to use them to wipe Windows or mirrors, instead of reading half a day like she's in a library... Oh, and speaking of that, I hadn't seen it for a while because the glasses and mirrors were already cleaned by my husband when we thought those were handprint artworks from my girls' class...

I wanted to thank her for telling me "I just cleaned this ar!" When I requested for a rusty sterilizer, dust-covered bed frame and tables, coffee-stained mugs or moldy toilet tiles to be re-cleaned properly. At least I learnt that she tried to clean them "a week" or "a month" ago when my duty roster indicated a daily task... I also knew that she ate everyday, why wouldn't she skip eating today since she had eaten yesterday?

I wanted to thank her for leaving my girls toys in the kitchen like forever after rinse because whenever I spot a toy knife in the dish washers drying rack or a toy spoon in my cutlery drawer... It reminded me of my girls no matter where I was, be it in the toilet or kitchen or service yard... It's everywhere.

I wanted to thank her for her consistency in pressing  her own sambal with my garlic, my sugar and my condiments for every single meal, everyday but wouldn't wash piled handwash items on a daily basis... It gave me great excuse to splurge on lingerie when I ran out of them... Wuhoo!

I wanted to thank her for blaming "something" in the baby room or in my house which made her overslept during her fasting, causing her not able to successfully fast, when that "something" was really her own pillow and she refused to use the alarm clock.

There's so many more little things that I was grateful to her... So much that I wanted to get her a one-way air ticket to reunite with her family and her imaginary boyfriend/husband. Then, I would be thankful...

Post natal...

Three weeks after giving birth to a 3kg baby Wayne, this is the first time I stepped onto a weighing scale... I am weighing 67kg. 

I smiled, this was my original weigh... No! Wait! My target was 57kg... Freak! I'm 10kg off my chart... oh god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday when I tried on a red dress bought when I was in my third trimester, thinking that I could probably wear it for CNY... The moment I put the dress on, I heard a very unwelcoming background comment, "too tight lah, mama!"

It was Renee who emphasized that it didn't fit anymore... Cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!